A dream, first in awhile, this morning, after a day of deep but almost unfathomable emotion: the dream is of being on a sprial staircase at the edge of willing, surging waters which seem about to spill into the stairwell. Then slowing spiraling up to get above the waters, but the intensity of their presence remains. Pondering the dream I thought of the emotion of the last while, and realized that along side of the gratitude of reconnecting with my Playasbeing friends may have been the upwelling of sadness,tears, rage perhaps toward the pain of my imprisoning doubts; but then realizing as well, in terms of the reading/studying I am trying to do re the nature of ‘evil’ in everyday humankind, that these very wrenching doubts may be those internal elements which lead us to abandon our individual selves in the face of authority, pressures, and situations which erode/erase our sturdy inner selves, leading to the erasure of our own humanity. This dawning realization feels so important, but so difficult to gain clarity on. BUT the re-connection with my Playasbeing group, and the fellowship and beauty it offers, which lingers, gives me the courage, or perhaps sturdies the self to look and to dream about this aspect of our everyday experience which can wreak such pain and suffering.
As mentioned in Playasbeing’s welcoming response to yesterday’s posting here, trusting companions may be the vital link when doubt erodes trust in oneself. Is it ironic or fitting that the investigation of the dark forces can only be done in the company of the light and beautiful forces of humankind?
June 21, 2008 at 9:46 pm
What paradoxes!
It can be comforting to hide in the dark and ignore what we fear or what we have been putting off. But when something does scare us in the night, it seems frightening beyond any sense of proportion.
When instead we face the daylight, we can at last see the mess we have created. Ugh! But we also see the beauty alongside it in proportion. The light can give us hope to deal with what we see.
And daylight brings another blessing too. There are the smiling faces of our friends who have been waiting to celebrate our return!